I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
