Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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