why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just invented taco cereal.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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