let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
