I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize