No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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