Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
