Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
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We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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