In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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