i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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