I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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