there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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