After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
