my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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