i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
