I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
two words: eviction party
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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