I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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