i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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