so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
