whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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