he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
