It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
