You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men