I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?