do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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