So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
