walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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