Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
it glows. i had to have it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
