He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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