Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
