my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
