nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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