D3 body, D1 cock
I'm so fucking centered right now
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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