dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
