She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
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Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
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I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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