you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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