omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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