There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
