In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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