at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
