you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
