He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
