His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Randomize
