but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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