just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
