just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
whose ass print is on the piano?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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