Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
