we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
