Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
