Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just googled if crying burns calories
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
