From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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