There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
