i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
