You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
