Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
