Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I love you. Go after that dick
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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