nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
