Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
