i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
