like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
