There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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