I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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