dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You made out with two different species that night
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
