Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
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Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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