We won't sleep together?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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