Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
