At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
