You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
