It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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