i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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