Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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