I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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