I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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