Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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