my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
