Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
